In This Issue
What did The Kinks' Ray Davies do to deserve to get shot in New Orleans? He tried to stop a mugging. Pardon our French, but what a douche, huh?
“That sumbitch was killing recruiting,” LSU athletics director Joe Alleva said. “He did more damage to this athletics program than Ryan Perrilloux.” The whole story, as The Levee knows it.
Responding to criticism that he hasn't spent enough time in Louisiana while traveling the country raising millions of dollars for what he says is not a presidential campaign, the governor returns for a homey "Jindal-A-Thon."
Just print out and play!
Somali pirates have invaded Jazz Fest! ARRRRRRRGH!
'Given that it's our 40th anniversary, we really tried to assemble a big, special event and it doesn't get much bigger than Clarence 'Gatemouth' Brown – from grave to stage," Jazz Fest producer-director Quint Davis told The Levee. Above, recently Brown OK'd the grave marker his friends and family have put up since his casket floated from its resting place during Hurricane Ike.
"I remember when Louis Armstrong was lying on his death bed and he proclaimed, 'One day, there will come to New Orleans a group that embodies the laissez-faire musical independence of the city and performs true jazz: that pure, unadulterated form of rhythmic expression that seems to spring forth right out of the history and culture of this nation, indeed out of the great Mississippi herself.' Well, on Saturday, May 2, his prophecy will be realized. Now I know what he was talking about. I’m getting there early.”
With the 2009 New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival topping 400,000 in attendance for the first time since the federal levees broke, another group of civic-minded residents are planning a three-day celebration of corruption to be called the New Orleans Bribe & Patronage Festival, or, Bribe Fest.
If Louisiana would simply reduce the number of state employees down to the Southern Average, the state would save $868 million annually in payroll alone. Louisiana has 14,000 more employees than the Southern Average.
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“Now he’s Chief-Murder,” a smiling Nagin said during a news conference inside Murder’s grandmother’s home in suburban Kenner, where the rapper/chief is under home confinement while awaiting trial in the killing of a 16-year-old boy in a Harvey nightclub. “I think he’ll do well. When have I been wrong before?”
"In my day we didn't need rockets and motorboats to rule the high seas," New Orleans' "Gentleman Pirate" Jean Lafitte says of piracy these days. "We relied on verve and no small amount of derring-do. These Somali pirates aren't fit to swab the brine from my poop deck."
A Levee reader, in actual text messages with New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, raises an interesting explanation of why the mayor's memory is so hazy these days. Either way, like The Levee, she doesn't hold anything back.
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About The Levee
The New Orleans Levee newspaper is a free, satirical publication created in New Orleans and distributed monthly in and around the city and available online for everyone we wish were still home.
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From the Breach
Numerous celebrations broke out throughout the city when news spread that New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin had been disposed of.
"Oh thank God," one resident said. "I didn't think I'd be able to make it one final year with him."
The celebrations soon faded, however, as residents learned that Nagin was not disposed, but rather deposed in a lawsuit regarding his $4 million overbudget crime camera program and possibly improper trips taken with vendors involved in the program.
Levee Audio
By Stephen Lerner and John Lomas
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