By Nicole Chapuis The Levee spirit writer Amanda McAllister, cheer co-captain and president of Class of 2012 at Woodrow Wilson High School in Metairie, opened fire on a table of misfits and outcasts in the cafeteria at lunch Wednesday. Two of the losers were injured, while five other dweebs escaped unharmed in the rampage by [...]
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New Orleans Saints fans post bounty on offensive defensive coach Williams
By Damian Tatum The Levee hard knocks writer In the wake of the growing pay-for-plays scandal that has rocked the New Orleans Saints and sullied its “America’s Team” image, fans are banding together to track down and punish the scheme’s instigator, former defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. Although currently only facing discipline for running a program [...]
Germany gnaws arm off, grabs pants and leaves EU partners
By Mark Chaney The Levee eew writer BERLIN – According to a hastily scrawled missive in lipstick on a bathroom mirror, Germany has left its EU partners after a daring late night escape from their shared Prague apartment. Germany has not indicated whether it will return. “The bastard went complete coyote,” France said this morning. [...]
Aaron Broussard may take plea deal and take the stand against himself
By Damian Tatum The Levee of-two-minds writer In the wake of federal plea deals struck by Aaron Broussard’s ex-wife and his former top aide, sources close to the former Jefferson Parish president said Broussard has agreed to cooperate with prosecutors and testify against himself in the hope of getting some of the charges dropped. “Clearly [...]
Missing white child found alive under pile of missing, non-white children
By Jon Bogran The Levee obvious media bias pointer outer writer The long and agonizing nightmare is finally over for the honky parents of little Kimberly White, the adorable, Aryan five-year old who went missing from her parent’s backyard in Baton Rouge early last month. Police announced yesterday that the young girl, whose recent disappearance [...]
‘The Artist’ really is
a ‘talkie’ for audiences
in New Orleans
By Jon Bogran The Levee silence writer “The Artist,” an unconventional, heartfelt Oscar favorite for best picture has dazzled critics and audiences alike, surprisingly managing to make a silent film entertaining and emotional. Just not in New Orleans. The silent genre apparently lacks the audible filler necessary to merit rebellious audience members shutting up for [...]
New Orleans police tie spike in crime to slime and 16th Century tyrant
?By Jon Bogran The Levee ectoplasm writer A team of wacky paranormal investigators and New Orleans police believe a raging underground river of pink slime they say has been flowing beneath the city’s surface for quite some time may be to blame for the dramatic spike in crime already this year. They say the mysterious [...]
Mardi Gras goes purple
gold and really green
By Helen Cox and Nate Thompson The Levee biodegradeable writers A carnival tradition since time immemorial has been to use trash estimates in tons as a measure of whether that year’s Mardi Gras was a success. More trash means more partying which the city equates with more money having been spent. “I know we’re different [...]
Paula Deen adds sugar daddy to her rich, diabetes-filled life
By Lois Langiappe The Levee sick promotion writer Butter queen Paula Deen, capitalizing on her recent announcement that she has had Type-2 diabetes for three years, is adding to her work as a paid spokesperson for her disease treatment company by introducing her own brand of lard called, “I Can’t Believe It’s Lard!” [...]
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